Six Psychology Myths

Cracked doesn't exactly have a reputation for scientific journalism. But they hit the nail on the head with their six mistaken facts, therein referred to as BS, about psychology that people tend to believe. And spout off at cocktail parties when they don't know they're talking to an actual psychologist.

You can read the whole piece here and I urge you to do so because the writers at Cracked have a way with words that I can't duplicate here.

But I'll summarize:


BS #1: So angry you want to smash something? Think you'll feel better afterwards?

Fact*: Don't. It won't help and will probably lead to more anger down the road. We're better off managing our anger, controlling it, letting go of it, deep breathing and changing the way we think about the situation that is leading to our anger. Less anger is better than "getting it all out" in some kind of aggressive rage. Kind of undercuts one of the selling points of Sarah's Smash Shack. Sorry, Sarah. (But I still wouldn't mind giving it a shot.)

BS #2: You can do anything you want to do as long as you believe in yourself.


Fact: Better success can be had with learning self improvement skills. Take lessons. Practice. Practice some more. And yes, work on improving your self-image while you're at it. Drop negative self-talk. Give yourself affirming messages. But increasing your "self esteem" alone? Probably not gonna cut it, unless you already have a good skill set.

BS #3: People who join cults are naive idiots.

Fact: Cult members are no less smart, on the whole, than you or me. Cults target people who are in transition, vulnerable, feeling desperate, and in need of social affiliation.

BS #4: Subliminal messages cause us to buy things we don't want or need.

Fact: Nope. There's no conclusive evidence that it works.


BS #5: Lie detectors work.

Fact: Slightly better than flipping a coin, yes. Which means, too many times it says we're lying, when we're not. There are ways to beat polygraphs. There are variables that interfere with producing reliable results. They're not admissable in court and with good reason.


BS #6: All homophobes are secretly gay.

Fact: Again, no real evidence supports this widely circulated belief. People who hate or fear homosexuality report a range of reasons. Yes, there are some who are secretly harboring homosexual impulses and they are too ashamed to deal with it. But there are others who rant and rage for the effect or because they've grown up being fed a lot of negative messages about gays and lesbians, not because they're deep down attracted to same sex individuals.


*refers to what is widely believed in the psychological community at this moment in time.


Image source: John Malkovich in Burn After Reading (see it for his performance alone).

Sandy Andrews, PhD , Clinical Psychologist and Psychotherapist in Austin, Texas

Are you Shoulding on Yourself Again?

In the cognitive part of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) we look for thinking patterns that get in the way of healthy feelings and behavior. Thoughts associated with unhappy feelings.

Sad, anxious, angry, shameful, hurtful feelings.

One of the easiest thoughts to identify and change are those that contain the word "should."

Should statements, as they are called.

You should go check on your neighbor. He hasn't been out much lately.

I should exercise more.

She shouldn't talk to her in that tone of voice.

Should statements are one form of automatic negative thoughts, or ANTS. Should implies that someone has done something wrong. Or bad. That someone behind you is shaking a finger, going, "tsk, tsk, tsk, bad person."

The shoulds are often immediately followed by subtle feelings of shame and guilt. Sometimes not consciously detected. But it's there. The essence of it. Building up throughout the day, if you happen to be a daily should-er. Many of us use should statements dozens of times a day, if not hundreds. Out loud or silently, to ourselves.

I should be able to figure this out.

She should be more careful.

You should buy the red sweater.

Shoulding on oneself. Shoulding on others.

The examples above aren't all that toxic, granted. But the effect is insideous. Disapproval. Judging. You're doing wrong. I'm unworthy. These feelings can add up. At the end of the day, we feel more stressed out. More hostile. More _____ (fill in the blank with an unpleasant feeling). Its cumulative. It adds up. I know this personally. I know this professionally.

Even the innocuous, commonly heard response to receiving an unexpected gift, "You shouldn't have!" It delivers an entirely different message when, instead, we say, "You are so thoughtful. Thank you."

How to remedy this common thinking error? In some cases, change should to want. Or wish. Or like.

I want to figure this out.

I wish she would be more careful.

I like the red sweater. I hope you buy that one.

The idea is to change the negative, judgemental idea to something with a positive message. Or more positive. More upbeat. More hopeful.

Below are a few examples that are a little more toxic. Try to change them yourself.

You should watch what you eat.

He should take better care of his car. We're not made of money!

I shouldn't be having these thoughts. She just died, afterall.

And how about the image at the top of this post. Vanity Fair cover of teen television star, Miley Cyrus, aka Hannah Montana, of Disney Channel. Does this image of a 15-year-old bring up a should statement or two?

I don't know about you, but I feel slightly better when I say, "I wish young stars (and their agents) didn't feel pressure to pose in such a sexually suggestive manner." Instead of, "She should not be posing like that. What were her parents thinking?"

Working Out. Must Have Music.

When I work out, which is to say, when I climb on top of a stair master type contraption in order to get my aerobic exercise, I must have music. Or, better put, I greatly prefer to have music.

These days it's a small mp3 player. No, not an iPod. I can't afford one of those. Only my kids can. Go figure.

Working out with my favorite tunes, selected for their fast paced beat, I get a better workout. I don't think about how tired I feel, or how hard I'm breathing, or how my heart feels like it might explode out of my chest. The music entertains and distracts me. I work out longer and harder.

Today I got to the gym only to discover that I had left my mp3 player in my gym bag, on my kitchen table. Damn. It's always something that gets forgotten. If it isn't my towel, it's my bottle of water. Today it was my music.

I also like to read when I work out. Music plus reading material. I'm in that bad of shape, ya'll.

So I did remember my reading glasses. I grabbed an Oprah Magazine, picked a stairmaster that had one of those plexiglass book holders, found an empty eliptical machine between two gym rats, climbed on, hit QuickStart, and away I rode.

It was then I discovered another reason why I prefer earphones. The guy next to me.

My earphones block the sound of nearby exercisers. Heavy breathing, throat clearage, coughs, sputters, growls, grunts, and groans. And then there was the piped in muzack. Loud enough to be a nuisance, not loud enough to be of any incentive.

Reader, what helps you get a better workout?

night owls get a name and a test

One evening while walking along a pasture, I looked across toward a giant live oak tree. In the tree sat three large owls. They were perched on two branches, all in a cluster. They made the most picturesque silouette. Still as statues, all facing east, the sun setting behind them. Three sentinels waiting for the darkness to decend, harbingers of a post I had been working on about night owls.

I have long believed I am a night owl. Or as sleep experts would now say, I suffer from Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (DSPS).

"Delayed sleep phase syndrome (DSPS) is a disorder in which a person’s sleep is delayed by 2 or more hours beyond the socially acceptable or conventional bedtime. This delay in falling asleep causes difficulty in waking up at the desired time...Most with DSPS describe themselves as "night owls" and say they function best or are most alert during the evening or night hours. If they were to keep a sleep log it would show short sleep periods during the school/work week (with few or no awakenings during the night) and lengthy sleep-ins (late morning to mid afternoon wake up times) on the weekend."

I can remember struggling with insomnia when I was in grade school, lying awake at night singing to my menagerie of stuffed animals. In high school, the singing was replaced by listening to late night radio, The Dr. Dimento Show being one of them. Due to my difficulty waking in the mornings, I was often late to school despite a five minute walk.

It seemed to become more pronounced over time. In college, as I chose my courses (no morning classes, thank you). In graduate school, I wrote the bulk of my dissertation between 10pm and 4am.

When I was offered a job in a psychiatric hospital I was told by the HR staff: "The only problem is that the hours are 4pm-10pm."

Problem? What problem? I loved it. I earned extra pay for late shift, even. I left my job in plenty of time to hit the college pubs, which really didn't get hopping until 11pm anyway. Close the place down and sleep in. Ahhhhhhh. Fit me to a tee.

I recall feeling energetic during this period of my life. I exercised enthusiastically. Typically a walker, I started to jog.

I knew this nirvana night schedule couldn't last forever, though. Eventually I did a one year internship at a medical setting, for example. It required the standard 8am-5pm hours. Oh dread. It about killed me.

But I was hopeful, deciding this was a good experiment: early morning wake up call, everyday, for a whole year. While it did get a bit more tolerable once I caved to the earlier bedtimes, it never, ever, EVER, felt easy. Or natural. I hated mornings as much as always.

So this confirmed night owl wasn't exactly surprised when she learned that researchers identified a particular gene, a mutation, they call it, that determines circadian rhythm. But she did feel vindicated. No, I'm not lazy. No, I wouldn't wake up easier if I'd just go to bed earlier. Okay, well maybe that one is true.

Naturally it's described as a mutation, rather than a variant of normal. But that's okay. I, and plenty of other night owls, have lived our lives feeling like we missed the normal boat.

Back to the gene. The night owl gene was first identified in a mouse, and later in more mice.

This mutation was kindly named the "after hours gene" (AFh). Very aptly named, I would argue, since it's a universally accepted, scientifically verified truth that things happening "after hours" are way more fun and exciting than things happening, say, at 7am (snore).

Everyone wants an invitation to the after hours party, right?

And now one more giant step for night owls. It's been announced there is an official test we can take, a simple mouth swab, to determine if we are, in fact, a morning lark or a night owl.

For more information about night owls, check out the DSPS blog.

Image source: owls, here.

cognitive behavioral therapy, 101

I get a lot of phone calls from new clients who want to schedule with a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). They've been told by their doctor, attorney or friend to seek out CBT but they don't know what it is, exactly.

I welcome these questions. When clients are more informed about their treatment, they tend to feel more comfortable in our sessions and do better when they get home. And I don't believe clients who ask these questions are dummies, just so you know (I can't speak for the authors of the book). I expect that most people have little idea what CBT is and I'm happy to explain.

CBT refers to two different components: Cognitive is the thinking part of therapy; Behavioral is the doing.

Very simply, CBT aims to help us change how we think and change how we behave. To recognize patterns of thinking that lead to unpleasant

feelings. To change what we do so that we feel better more of the time.

The example I give most often: You're depressed because you've gained a lot of weight. You feel hopeless about ever losing the extra pounds. Your depression leaves you feeling unmotivated to exercise more.

The cognitive piece of CBT will help identify faulty thinking patterns

that contribute toward gaining weight and feeling depressed:

"I'm never going to lose this weight. Why even try? I give up."
"All I can think about is food."
"I deserve to eat this dessert."

"I can't stand how I look."

"I feel just awful."

"I want to crawl into bed and stay there."

The behavioral component will help identify small changes in behavior that will help you reach your goals (exercise more, eat less). Tweaking the goals in such a way that you are more likely to succeed. Small, doable steps replace lofty, out-of-reach goals.

There are many common, nearly universal thinking patterns that I listen for and teach my clients to hear within themselves. And to change. We'll get to those in later posts.

1st image source here

2nd image source here, but originally found here

mars and venus and all that

Questions by my "single and looking" clients that leave me most bewildered go something like this:

"He gave me his phone number. What do you think he meant by that?"

Or,

"Do you think that means she wants to go out with me.... or not?"

According to the old school rules of dating, women are supposed to play hard to get and men are supposed to ask a woman straight out, right? And that mars and venus guy? Even he tells us we're looking for different things in a relationship.


Does any of this conventional "wisdom" hold true?

Wisdom, by the way, is codeword for advice given by people who have lived a whole lot longer than you but really have no clue how the dating game is played, either.

But thanks to a couple of dating studies summed up by the good people at BPS Research Digest we don't have to rely on antiquated advice. And we may now be able to say that we are finally beginning to meet up on the same planet.

In 2006 researchers studied what types of come-on lines women see as most effective when a man is trying to show he is interested.

Women, according to this study, are positively swayed when men demonstrate their helpfulness, generosity, athleticism (really? this works?), "culture" and wealth (again with the really?). They are unimpressed by jokes, empty compliments and sexual references.

And how about the guys? What works for them? A 2009 study found that men are most convinced when women use straightforward forms of communicating compared to more subtle lines. So the direct, "Let's go out sometime," is seen as more effective than the indirect, "Is that an iPhone in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

And here's where the common planet comes in. Neither men nor women find sexual humor and innuendo to be all that helpful in figuring out whether to expect a follow up phone call. Or text. Or email. Or Facebook friend request. Let alone a date for Saturday night.

So according to the latest in dating research, if you are really interested in a particular someone you are chatting up, here's some potential applied advice.

Women, you might say something like this:

"Want to go out sometime?"

And men, you would say something like this:

"Thanks to my speed and strong throwing arm (athleticism), I caught a little old lady (helpfulness) who stumbled in my Buddhist meditation class (culture). She was so appreciative that I offered her a ride home in my Porsche (wealth) and donated a sizeable chunk to her charity fundraiser (generosity)."

And then you would suggest a night on the town.

Actually, I added that last piece of wisdom. Because it kind of seals the deal, doesn't it?

If you want to read these studies for yourself, in their entirety, you can either go to your nearest university library and look for the journal called Personality and Individual Differences, or, click on the links below and pay $31.50 each to purchase the studies online. You can also read a more in depth explanation here at PsyBlog.


Bale, Christopher, Morrison, R., & Caryl, P. G. (2006). Chat-up lines as male sexual displays. Personality and Individual Differences, 40(4), 655-664.

Wade, Joel T., Butrie, L., & Hoffman, K. (2009). Women’s direct opening lines are perceived as most effective. Personality and Individual Differences, 47 (2), 145-149.


Image source: Oil on canvas by Illingworth, 1971, found here.

male or female therapist?

I am often asked by someone who has decided to seek out therapy whether to select a male or female psychologist. Psychologists discuss this very question among themselves because professional opinions vary.

My answer is typically that it's really up to the preferences of the individual. It's a very personal decision. Some people think they would feel more comfortable with one gender or the other.

Women often tell me they prefer to see another woman. They think they would feel more comfortable sharing the frank details of their lives with a woman, particularly when sexual issues or a history of sexual victimization are involved.

Choosing a psychologist or therapist is not unlike choosing an ob-gyn. Some prefer a doctor of the same sex believing she will be more understanding and knowledgeable because she's been there.

Or like choosing a massage therapist. Some people want to avoid any semblance of a sexual vibe. Whether that points to a male or female therapist depends on you and your inclinations.

Many guys prefer female therapists. They find it easier to open up to a woman. There aren't many settings where men allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable in front of other men. They don't want to start on the couch.  Or maybe that is exactly what they are after.  The ability to relate on a more emotional level with another man.  

Sometimes the preference depends on experiences growing up. I recall one friend who had a particularly critical father. She decided to go with a female psychologist. She didn't want to start out fearing or assuming negative judgements.

Other times our adult experiences shape our preference. An abusive female boss may lead a patient to choose a male therapist. Again, to avoid feeling judged. This is often referred to as "negative transference." When we make assumptions about or react to a therapist in a negative way because she reminds us of someone we don't like.

Sometimes it makes sense to choose a psychologist who is the same gender as the abusive or critical parent. Give yourself a chance to feel accepted, to feel comfortable with and understood by someone of the same gender as the critical parent. Therapy, for many, is often, in part, a re-parenting experience. Where the parent figure, this time around, accepts us for who we are and the decisions we have made.

I've been in the position of conducting psychological evaluations for children in need of therapeutic intervention and asked whether the child should see a male or female therapist. I recall one boy who had repeated negative experiences with various males in his life. I suggested a male therapist to help the child gain a positive, nuturing experience with an adult male. To help undo.

So it really just depends on the preferences and experiences of the patient. Of course, one of the most important considerations in is the expertise of the therapist. How experienced and expert they are at therapy. Feeling comfortable with the therapist is another. Does it feel like a "good fit?" Do we seem to "click" when we're in session? And no one will be a better judge of this than you.

Sandy Andrews, PhD  is a Clinical Psychologist / Therapist who provides CBT in Austin, Texas