Self Care: Y'know It Don't Come Easy

Dr. Laurie Santos shared a fascinating insight on Dax Sheppard's podcast: Expert Armchair.

What you are motivated to get is completely separate from what you're actually going to appreciate once you get it. There is a part of your brain designed for wanting and craving, and another part of your brain that governs liking and satisfaction.

I'll give you some real world examples. Some people spend all of their time and energy working toward getting into that prestigious school. Other people strive to get a promotion at some competitive business firm. And then there are those who get their fix from junk food, sex, or psychoactive substances. The list goes on. People are designed to crave money, status, and instant gratification. But does the feeling of accomplishing these things last?

Most of us know that we will benefit from various acts of self care. For whatever reason, activities like exercise, journaling, and eating healthy take up a lot of mental energy.

Take meditation for instance, we know we'll feel better after we do it... but for whatever reason, most of us aren't naturally inclined to meditate. Instead, we might binge watch the latest series just to return to our rooms before bedtime feeling regret as we look at the overflowing stack of laundry in the corner.

The craving system and the liking system are disconnected. How awesome would it be if our brain was able to reset after noticing, "Hey! Meditating actually reduced my stress today. Let's crave it tomorrow!" But no. What's good doesn't come easy.

How inconvenient.

So, for those of you who think, "One day I'll want to go on that run!" Yeah, maybe. But probably not.

Just Do It turns out to be more than just a slogan.

Meanwhile, I'll be over here waiting for that day when we find out how to kick in that motivation some other way.

How the Light Gets In

Mind Your Happys

 Mindfulness is a big buzzword in cognitive behavior therapy - CBT - offices today.  Paying attention and savoring the pleasant, happy moments of any given busy day can help us offset the negativity bias our brains have evolved to become.  Negativity bias is simply the tendency we all have to remember the bad events (scary, sad, hurtful, angry) and ignore or forget the feel-goods and warm-fuzzy moments.  

Think of how you're likely to share that unnerving traffic story where "that guy cut me off and almost caused a wreck!" But how you usually don't remember to also share the story where "that nice guy let me cut in front of him."  Only remembering the unpleasant events is negativity bias in a nutshell.  

We can help our brains become less negative minded by using self-directed neuroplasticity exercises:  actively choosing to pay attention to and stay focused on positive events rather than let our auto-pilot selves skip over and forget them. 

Peeling an orange?  Take a few seconds to smell the fresh orange peel and switch over to how good it feels.  Even better, turn it into a deep breathing exercise.  Take a really deep breath while you enjoy such a fresh, pleasant scent. .  Take a whiff.  Focus on the orange scent.  Enjoy. Exhale. Repeat.  

In her post, psychologist and self-identified mindfulness teacher, Kellie Edwards, suggests a Happy Jar as one example of helping ourselves remember and amplify daily pleasantries.  Hers is an exercise that can help us ward off or treat symptoms of depression and anxiety disorders: 

Jar Full of Happy

1.  Find a transparent jar that is large enough to hold at least 7 notes from every person in your family.

2.  Take some colored paper (several different colors) and cut it up into note sized pieces, or use sticky notes like we have.

3.  Pick a time towards the end of each day - during dinner or just before bed, say - and take turns recalling something good that you noticed today.

4.  Write it down and then share it with each other, taking at least 20-30 seconds to bask in the glow of the goodie. If your children are not writing yet, you can write it for them in their own words.

5.  Place the colored pieces of paper in the jar. Leave it in full view to remind everyone to notice the good moments and to complete the ritual each night.

6.  At the end of the week - perhaps when you have 5 minutes or so on the weekend — sit down as a family and pull each piece of paper out of the jar and read them aloud to recall all the warm fuzzies that have happened during the week. 

7.  Celebrate by doing something fun together as a family, even a family hug!

8.  Keep your notes from each week together and anytime anyone needs some sprinkles of happiness to brighten their mood, they are right there at your fingertips.

Ready, Set, Sleep!

I may stand corrected.  Which would make me and a lot of clients happy.  And sleepy.  As a cognitive behavioral psychologist (CBT) I typically teach a 6-4-8 breathing exercise as a stress relief technique and as a sleep aid,.  This involves a 6-second inhale, 4-second hold, and 8-second exhale (or 8-4-10, depending on the individual's starting point).

But in this post  by Alina Gonzalez entitled, How I Learned To Fall Asleep In Under 1 Minute, she advocates using Dr. Andrew Weil's breathing technique which she calls the "4-7-8 Trick."  You can go to Dr. Weil's website to see him demonstrate, here.

So I plan to take the 4-7-8 versus 6-4-8 breathing challenge.  And I invite readers to do the same. Leave me a comment and let me know which breathing exercise calmed, relaxed, and helped you get to sleep the most quickly.

Ready, Set, Sleep!

And a big shout out to my sister for 

bringing my attention to the article Under 1 Minute blog post. 

--Sandy Andrews, Ph.D.

Cognitive Behavioral Psychologist 

Austin, Texas

Fake It Til You Make It: The Power of Body Language

Nervous about an upcoming job interview? Wanting to invite a new friend for coffee but feeling too shy to do so? This video of Harvard researcher and social psychologist, Dr. Amy Cuddy, is a bit long but well worth watching.  Based on research findings, Dr. Cuddy offers a few short and simple exercises designed to help boost confidence in school, work and social settings.  These are examples of behavioral tools recommended frequently in CBT psychologist offices.

-Sandy Andrews, Ph.D.

CBT Cognitive Behavioral Psychologist 

Austin, TX

This Weekend: Clutter Bust or Bust

Need an incentive to de-clutter this weekend?  Look no further than the 8th Annual Clear Your Clutter Day presented by the Austin chapter of the National Association of Professional Organizers.   Bring your cherished keepsake items junk and leave with some extra peace of mind.